How we perceive and treat ourselves has a lot to do with how we were raised and the environment we lived in during critical periods of our lives. Some communities celebrate tough love and so self compassion can be perceived as a weakness. Others may think self compassion is a feminine concept. However, one of the most difficult perceptions of self compassion is that if one indulges in it, it could very likely bring up old hurt and pain which has been buried somewhere deep inside of us.

 

It’s uncomfortable to confront unpleasant realities and truths about who we are. This is true for most people. Everyone has been hurt, loved, cared for, felt pain, etc at some point in their lives. Being able to work through our difficult experiences can often result in healing and enhancing our life experiences. However, getting to a place where we can feel that we have compassion on ourselves takes a lot of very hard work. Often when I ask people if they love themselves, they will answer simply and quickly - absolutely!!! However, when I dig a little deeper and ask more specific questions, e.g. “when was the last time you thought deeply and fully about your personal goals?” or “when was the last time you truly listened to and fully accepted personal feedback?”, most people begin to reflect and will often ask, “ok, what did you mean when you asked if I love myself?”

 

Here are some things we do for people we love:

1. Listen to them attentively and with intention

2. Forgive repeatedly

3. Complement openly and often

4. Show affection to

5. Are present with them

6. Are generous with them

7. Offer them kindness

8. Take care of them or respond to their needs

9. Always give them the benefit of the doubt

10. Help to relieve them of pain and stress

11. Celebrate life with them

 

The list is endless. The question is, how many of these things do we do for ourselves? Are we truly present in our lives? Do we make the best decisions for ourselves or do we tend to follow our indulgences even if they sometimes come at a very high cost to us? Do we allow ourselves to face our pain in the same way we encourage those we love to open up to us about theirs and trust that we can be a pillar of strength that they can lean on?

To know if we love ourselves, we can start by following our behavioral patterns. They are often very telling of what is important to us, how we prioritize ourselves relative to others and how we invest in our own growth and development.

 

The key considerations to understanding ourselves include becoming:

1. Self aware

2. Understanding our level of self esteem

3. Aware of our motivations, emotions and character

4. Understanding how we perceive and interpret our own behavior and attitudes

5. Understanding how we make decisions

 

When we understand ourselves, we become better at taking care of our mind, body and soul. We pay attention to things that matter and develop skills to enable us to grow into happier, more fulfilled people.